What a life....

Pathetic Me?

Hi everyone. I'm about to tell a tale which seems doesn't has a tail. I did a lot of sins in my life. Is it the KARMA things that turned my life upside down? I guessed it's God's punishment. I just can't figured out, why all bad things happened to me, just in one blow. Let's see, I'm broke, in terms of financial and a relationship, my friends are slowly disappearing (I don't mean everyone any harm), I'm getting moody and I felt that I don't have a purpose of life. This is really bad for me, since I know that before this, I'm confidently a good man.

I know, a 'good man' is way too absurd and flashy, but that is what I think is in my blood. I'm a single child, as I used to mention earlier, I don't have anyone else to love except from my parents and friends. Interestingly, I won't hesitate to help my friends if they are in troubles. I am a good listener. I listened to what they complained, what they felt sad for, and everything. I gave advises, hoping it will soothe them. And sometimes, for the one that I love, I will grab everything, every single hurting words, as long he or she would be happy, even if it means that I have to lie to my own self. I can't be cruel to them, watching them crying. But now, all the pain in my heart that I tried to forget, is now eating back on me.

Now I'm hurt, and the pain that is caused by my own solitude, is much more hurting than other people's salvation. Can't I have a normal, cheerful life? Others said that, we have to change our own view so that we can be the way we want. But does that occurs easily? Does everything goes the way we want? I know this is quite pathetic, but does anyone realize, that sometimes, you also want others to pampered you, show their loves to you?

I acted like a big brother to everyone, showing my care, protecting them. I do want to feel the same. The security of this very, fragile heart of mine. Help me. It's a big S.M.S. (Save My Soul). I'm breaking apart now...I'm after all, just a mere creation of God who have feelings and wanted to be part of this world.

I want to thank everyone who spent their time to read this post. I also would like to believed that life is something more meaningful than just being the way I am now.